Update on my freak out

Monday, April 6, 2009

Okay, so things seem to have settled down. I had a muscle twitch/spasm/flutter on my lower right side just now, but I checked for bleeding an hour ago and just now and nothing. No mucus. Completely dry. I remember having a few days of pink discharge with Nicholas and Sophia around the 6w mark and am trying to chalk it up to that. I hesitate to call and bother Dr. Lee via her answering service when I will see her Thursday and there is really nothing she could do between now and then. I'm going to take it easy, continue praying a lot, and hope for the best on Thursday. I don't want to feel so scared. I really dont. I thought I could at least pretend my way through the first few weeks, until we got close to the cerclage, but I cant. I'm just too on edge and scared. I keep begging God to please, please not call this child/these children Home too. I've asked St. Gerard, St. Gianna, and even St. Brighid (my Confirmation saint) to pray for us. I plan on praying the pregnancy rosary when I get home from work. I'm just so scared. At this point, I'll stand on my head if that will make things okay.

Peter and my girlfriend, Meg, say everything is (probably) fine. Of course they are worried, but they keep pointing to the high hCG, high progesterone, and my raised BBT as signs that things are okay. The rational part of my brain says that I couldnt go from a pregnancy to a miscarriage in a day- right? I'd have days of falling progesterone, which would result in a falling BBT, right? I keep telling myself this to make me feel better. I desperately want to feel better.

As of right now, the crisis is on hold. I'm still a mess. Trying to eat and have my cup of raspberry leaf tea, and countdown the next 63 hours until I can see what the ultrasound has in store...

8 comments:

Seraphim said...

hon, call your dr, thats why they are there right? I am sure it is all ok. It sounds like implantation, but for your own peace of mind....xxxx

bubbledragon said...

You're doing everything right. Keep taking care of yourself, and if you feel like calling the Dr, I say call him. I'm pulling for you, too!

A n T said...

I'm sure all is well. I think its your little bean or two snuggling in even more to get nice and comfy.

Reba said...

Big {{{hugs}}} Michele. Seeing any color on the tp is heart-stopping for those of us who have been there before. Did your doctor tell you that progesterone suppositories can cause spotting? I think I remember that being a possible side effect when I was taking them during the twins' pregnancy. I am so hoping for the very best for you.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

I agree, Michele. Call your doctor. Sure, in the worst case she couldn't do anything. But, she could at least help you figure out what THIS is. I wish I knew. I'm here praying for you.

Living With Loss said...

I'm sorry you're going through this worry.

It's not easy being pregnant again after loss. Keep reminding yourself of the positives - the high HCG and progesterone etc, like you said. But if you need to call your Doctor then do - I am sure they'll understand and it might make you feel better, even if just a little.

You're in my thoughts.

(((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

I agree--call!!

mlg- believe-n-miracles said...

I am thinking of you. I know you are scared, just a couple days until the u/s.