Freaked at 17w

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Why dont I just call myself constantly afraid and never going to relax in this pregnancy. I know, a long name but it might very well fit.

So, we are 17w today and, as of 3:45am, Bobby and Maya are now older than Alexander gestationally. I'm getting ready for my P17 shot. Emotionally, I was unable to sleep last night past 3am. I got up for my 3am pee and then just laid awake, remembering...

As you all know, I sneeze and I hate it. I cant stand it. So, this morning around 8am, I had a cycle of 2 sneezes. Then, of course, I had to pee about 20 minutes later. So, off to the bathroom and, as is my habit, I wipe before I pee- just in case... Well, this time there was something and I've been freaked since. There was a quarter size glob of mucus, light in color but colored nonetheless. No blood. No pink. Just mucus. I have had thin, stringy mucus since the cerclage but nothing like "mucus mucus". And so I call Peter in to investigate. He says it's normal and fine. I'm freaked. Now, it's 10ish and I havent had anything else like it since and I've gone to the bathroom twice. In addition to the continued minor belly aches, this has me on edge.

I know that mucus in the second trimester is normal. Really I do. And I had it with Nick & Sophie and Alex, but I'm still freaked out right now. Is my stitch pulling and this is the result? Will anything "normal" ever feel really, truly normal? I'm sure that if I were to call Dr Bailey, he'd tell me I'm fine, especially since there is no bleeding. See... I really can think rationally. But I'm still scared. I know a lot of it is the day, too. I'm trying to balance my rational mind with my fears, but today it's harder.

So, mucus discharge after cerclage... That is my search on Dr. Google today. It's hard to take the "increased mucus in the 2nd trimester is normal" when I dont know if the cerclage changes any of that. I know... I know... I should try to pretend that I'm just the run of the mill pregnant woman.

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In non-freakouot news... My laptop was NOT shipping from Ohio. Peter saw CN and thought Cincinnati. No... It was CHINA. Yesterday, it arrived in Shanghai. Not sure where it is today. But, it most likely will not be here by Monday.

Talked to my mom yesterday. She's set the date for my (deep breath) baby shower in TN. It will be the day we are leaving so that we can pack the car up, everyone can say goodbye, and we can get on the road. Saturday, September 5th. I'll be 27w pregnant. The following weeks will be filled with Peter's family's shower and the shower my friend wants to throw. I know... 3 showers... Sounds kind of pretentious... My family and Peter's family are so far apart that that results in at least 2 showers. And, Peter's mom wanted to do a "family" shower, hence friends wanting to do their own. So, we shall see... Part of me feels like a phony for even imagining getting that far...

So, trying to keep breathing today... Missing my youngest born son... Seeing the "what if's"... Grateful that I only saw mucus and not blood, and hoping that the mucus isn't a bad sign... And, in spite of my fear, looking at baby shower invitations with elephants on them...

15 comments:

Amanda said...

(((HUGS))) and take things one day at a time. Even one hr at a time if need be. And dont ever worry about calling your Drs. no matter how silly it may seem, they are there to calm our fears when we freak out and when we are calm they are there to make sure all is good. Thats a sort of quote that my high risk dr told me about him and the other 2 drs where I am going this pregnancy. Take a breathe and just enjoy the moment if you can. YAY!! On a new milestone w/ these twins. Take care...

Never forgetting Gregory said...

It was nothing. You are fine. However, you have a case of "too much information". I completely understand why you are so freaked out about things like that! I have too much info. also and it just makes us worry so much more than most. Never hesitate to go in if you don't feel right. I know it is scary to think about baby showers, but your three will be wonderful! Happy for you.

Just Breathe said...

I pray for you to have peace of mind during this prenancy remembering that each on is different. I understand your fears and I trust that God will answer all your prayers. Give all your fears to God, He will be happy to hold them for you.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Michele, I understand the 'freak outs.' It sounds like you're balancing it well with your rational side. But, don't hesitate to call your doctor even if you already know his answer. It might help to hear him say the words, "You're OK."

I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

Peace, my friend.

Amanda said...

"Will anything "normal" ever feel really, truly normal?"

Answer: NO.

Hang in there...

Busted Tube said...

Oh, to have the innocence of the 'normal pregnant woman'... Good for you for getting through today. I imagine it is difficult sometimes just to keep breathing. Take care, have hope and you'll get through it, one day at a time.

S said...

I'm exactly the same. Its freezing here heading into winter and every morning I have sniffing and sneezing fits, and run to the toilet to make sure the sneeze didn't make something come out. I have mucous too, its not a lot, but its there. Its difficult trying to pretend that everything is normal when you're panicking. ((hugs)) I can't tell you everything will be fine because I just don't know. But I know I'm freaking already and I'm nowhere close to my daughter's milestone. :(

hope you have *some* peace soon. maybe even a phone call to your ob might help calm you down a bit?

btw, I've shifted to http://bythepricking.blogspot.com/ and can't seem to find your email address, so putting it on here.

take care
x

S

Reba said...

i can definitely imagine how scared you must have been seeing that mucous. i hope it was nothing and that all continues to go well.

gorillabuns said...

praying for peace of mind and a healthy pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for your peace of mind, and for the health of bobby and maya.
:)

Anne said...

I continue to pray for you and the babies. I check this blog with fear because I so want to see everything going well and the babies inside where they belong. Oh God, let the babies grow. (((Hugs)))

Alisha said...

((HUGS))

Annalien said...

Just wanted to send you some hugs!! I do believe everything is fine, but your fear is 100% understandable. Praying for you and your babies!

k@lakly said...

Holding all of you close in my thoughts. I hate all this stress for you. I hope your doc can reassure you over the phone, but you know if you feel the need to belooked at and checked. Do it. Do whatever it takes to make you and those babies safe.

Donna said...

DH and I talked about something similar last night. Everythign still seems so unreal at the moment. It just feels like there is so much that can still go wrong. I keep hoping that everything will end well for both of us. I can't wait to hear about your baby shower!