Day 7: T-17

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Please forgive my crappy blogging schedule. I've had quite a few visitors which makes writing during the day impossible and, once Peter gets here, the computer is the farthest thing from my mind. And, I want to have news to share, other than my paranoia. So... Let me back up to Monday.

By far, Monday was my worst day. I spent the entire day convinced that my water had broken and that the twins were going to be born that day. The day started off poorly with Peter leaving for work extra early for a meeting. I cried like a baby. I just couldnt help it. And I know it just made it harder for him, which I feel really bad about. It isnt like he wants to leave; he has to go. He called me from the parking garage, and I was still sobbing as he talked to me the entire drive. I hadnt slept well the night before and then, with being so afraid, I just didnt want him to go.

I have had a watery discharge since my cerclage was placed in May. It's one of the side effects, as your body identifies the stitch as a foreign body and increases secretions to try and keep infection away. This is why Peter initially brought me the pH strips, to try and quell my concern about PROM. Since I have been in the hospital, it has increased, most likely a combo of the previous reason plus, on Thurs, I was dilated 1cm passed the stitch. Monday, I am acutely aware of the discharge; then, as I am rolling over to call the nurse for the bedpan, I have a discharge of liquid. (Now, mind you, it wasnt a lot... Not even enough to dampen the spot on the towel that was close to it, which I use to help with sweating). But I'm freaked. I pee and dont mention it to the nurse (since a side effect of PROM would be a removal of my cerclage and I wanted to pH test it first- yes, if it were a 7, I would have called the nurse for a formal check; I'm not crazy.) So, I check myself once she's gone. 5. Too low for amniotic fluid. So I wait for a bit and test again. 4.5. Still a nutcase, I call Peter, convinced the pH strips are lying. He calmly explains that they dont lie and that he uses ones just like them at work. If they are coming back acidic then that is what they are. All freaking day I tested. My discharge was more than what it was at home and I had all but convinced myself it was PROM and I just couldnt get the pH strips to register. (I know... Maybe I am nuts... Rational brain wasnt really working on Monday.)

I decided to take a nap, which was a bad idea. I had a nightmare that I went into labor that couldnt be stopped and the twins died. It was a "say goodbye now" type dream. I woke up in a cold sweat and panic. The rest of the afternoon passed slowly and, by the time Dr B arrived for evening rounds, I was ready to cry again. I told him about the discharge and the pH, and he said that it was most likely that I urinated when rolling over and that the discharge was the same as what I previously discussed, a combo of sweat and vaginal fluids. But the only way to know was to see via u/s and, since he was going to order a vag u/s to check my cervix, he'd ask them to do an ab one also to check fluid levels. So, he put in an order for perinatal testing to do an u/s on Tues. He also told the nurse to have him called so that he could come and see it live rather than view images later. In addition, he said that my bed could be moved out of Trendelenberg and put into a normal position, since the benefits of inversion would be present already.

I felt better after his visit. He basically told me to relax and that I'd probably know if my water had broke. That it would have saturated my towel and bed and that I would be constantly leaking, not just discharging. When Peter got here, I had a good cry, then fell asleep in his lap. I slept through most the night, waking at 2:30am, when the babies started playing. I just laid awake and felt them... The most beautiful feeling in the world.

Tuesday was a better day. I felt better with the outlook. I was still afraid but Dr B had reassured me that what I was feeling was quasi normal. I still cried when Peter went to work but only briefly. It was more my fear than anything else. Peter's mom came around 10am and we had a very nice visit. She would have been a wonderful nurse, and I feel really grateful to have her so close. She would be here every day I think if I said it was okay. She's sweet. At 2:30, they came for my u/s. I actually got to get out of bed to get into the wheelchair and they took me down the hall to a small room that is used for the in-patients. The same tech was there and he made conversation as we waited for Dr B and the MFM, who would be reading the u/s. I think the tech could see that I was nervous and was trying to be reassuring and comforting. He was nice. The doctors arrived and the show began.

To recap from Thurs, I remained at 2cm dilated above the stitch and 1cm dilated below the stitch, which is how the sliver of sac slipped through with pressure. This scan began with an ab scan, which showed two beautiful babies in full sacs. My water has not broke, nor did the few days of Indocin do anything. Then we moved on to the vag scan. My cervix is closed! There was about 1.2cm of closed cervix below the stitch! Above the stitch, I am still funneled to 2cm and hindwaters were present in the funneled area, but that is normal. Bobby's head was right on top of my cervix and the doctor noted that they are both big enough to prevent a slip through, like we had with Alexander. Dr B was very happy with the scan and, you guessed it, I cried (although not a lot!). He went back to the patients waiting in his office and was going to talk with us in the evening, but was called away to, I assume, a labor. When Peter got back, we just cuddled and, relieved, fell sound asleep.

Dr B dropped by this morning and said he was very happy with the stitch. That my cervix looks a lot like it did 2w ago. He still wants me in bed. No sitting to eat. Bedpan only. BUT he said that I can take a short shower, in a shower chair, every other day! This is a baby step but to me, it is a big step. He doesnt feel that those 1om will do much when I am in bed the other 47h50m. Next step, I assume, would be sitting to eat but for nothing else. But, right now, I dont need any of the priviledges. I'm just happy the babies are settling in.

I am feeling much, much better today. Relieved. The next 17 days look so much more possible. I am still having an irritable uterus and occasional hard contractions (for example, I had 4 in 2 hours). But, right now, they are not cervical changing and aren't painful, so we have opted to deal with them rather than medicate them. Drugs now might mean more drugs in the future. I am monitored twice a day and Dr B said that, depending on how things look, he may prescribe something, but as for this very second, I am drug free and IV free (came out on Monday). The babies are happy campers. Very active. :)

I have received numerous emails asking for my address to send letters. Thanks to Carrie and her daughter for making me a countdown calendar. Thanks to Sarah for coming up with more "bedrest crafts". Thanks to the numerous cards we've received and phone calls that have been made, just to cheer us up. You all are really wonderful. Many of you I have never met in real life, yet you are such an integral part of our lives. Thank you.

Most of all, thank you for the prayers. God hears them and is answering. And, for that, we are most grateful.

So, here we are... 17 more days til our line in the sand. And today, I feel like even November isnt that far away...

30 comments:

gwinne said...

Glad to hear things are going as well as they are. You're in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Yea!! I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you and the babies! It made me smile to think of them playing in the middle of the night :)
17 days from now is the feast of our Lady, so I will definitely ask her to make sure that Bobby and Maya stay put, at least 'til then, preferably to 36 weeks!
God bless and peace be with you and Peter :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for updating. I've never commented on your blog before, found you through another blog, but have read your story and have been praying for you, Bobby, and Maya. I will continue to pray for all of you. I pray the next 17days pass in the blink of an eye and that your children stay in safe for a long while.

MFA Mama said...

I'm SO glad to hear things are going so well! I was worried when you didn't update. Stay put, babies!

Bluebird said...

It wore me out just reading that :) I can't imagine what an emotionally tolling time this must be. (I mean, how do you even eat without sitting up, anyway?!) But to hear you end on such a - relatively - positive note just made my heart smile. I'm so beyond proud of you. Hang in there sweet girl (and Peter and babies too!)

Anonymous said...

I am so happy to get update and hear things are more stable. Wow good job cervix. And for today no drugs or IV. A SHOWER...YES. I find Dr Bonner.'s peppermint soap refreshing. Sometimes before sleep i dip my feet in a basin of avee.no baby, calming comfort bath.

sarah said...

i am soooo happy to hear the good news!! the next 17 days will fly by! i look foward to hearing more updates as the days go by. showers are wonderful and i know it will make you feel that much better. all my love and prayers to you!

love sarah

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the update...without hearing from you for several days, I was afraid for what that might mean. I too found your blog through another blog, but have been following your story since you conceived the twins. I will continue the prayers!

Anonymous said...

Hi. I found your blog from another blog and was instantly praying for you. As I read through your story, I marveled at your strength and faith. Over the next weeks, I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Catherine W said...

Like Bluebird, I am feeling worn out just from reading.

Glad that your cervix seems to be listening to you after all. Fantastic news. So pleased to hear that Bobby and Maya are looking so good and being so active.

Thoughts and prayers from England. I've got my Jessica crossing her fingers for Bobby and Maya. I really hope that they can beat her and hang on for at least the next 17 days. And then some. Roll on November. xx

Kacy said...

I am praying for you and I am so glad that things settled back down.

www.infertilityinstability.blogspot.com

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Oh, this is wonderful news. I've been praying my heart out, if that's possible. I am so happy you are one step closer to your goal date.

Peace, my friend.

"Jay" said...

I am so glad that everything is going well. I hope the next 17 days go by quickly! I also hope you have lots of reading and other forms of entertainment in your hospital room!

Donna said...

I'm so glad to hear from you!!! You may be on bedrest - but what you've been through sounds exhausting.

It's so wonderful that you got to feel them playing. That has got to be so comforting to you.

And thank goodness your cervix is behaving itself for once!

You are amazing!

k@lakly said...

Keeping you in my thoughts. So glad the u/s was good news. November, lets get there!!!

Alisha said...

This is wonderful news to read. I say a prayer for you every night and you are in my thoughts during the day. Thank you for the update!

Anonymous said...

I have to say PRAISE God! We continue to pray for you and your peace. I am so thankful that you have such great doctors, that is a blessing in the midst of this stress. You are doing such a good job Michele! Love and prayers, grow babies grow!
Anna in CA

Anonymous said...

PS.. thanks for the update! it is so good to hear about everything.
Anna

Inanna said...

Stay horizontal!!!!! I know it's so hard... sorry you were so worried and scared but glad things still look okay in there!

A n T said...

Praise God! What a wonderful report!!! Keep them coming!

Molly said...

I found you through another blog and have been checking in to see how you are doing. I'm praying for you and your precious babies. God bless!

Carrie said...

This is so wonderful! It all sounds like it is moving right along- I cannot believe you get to have normal bed rest now too! What a gift that shower every other day will be.

Your calendar is in the mail! Cannot wait for you to get it.

You are getting there, one day at a time!

HUGS!
Carrie

Barefoot said...

So happy to read your update. I think about you guys every day.

Lachlan's Mum said...

That sounds so stressful, you are doing so well! I'm so glad your babies are doing wonderfully and that the bedrest is working. Thinking of you, Peter and Robert and Maya.

Reba said...

what wonderful news!! thank you for updating and letting all of us share your joy that things are looking up.

Carol said...

Hi Honey...It's your Nashville Mom here. I loved reading your update. Guess I'm due to call soon. Tell them grandbabies of mine to hold on just a little while longer so I can come see them, hold them and give them my love personally. And to you and Peter too. I miss you both so much.

I am praying for all of you daily,
All my love.
Mom

twoweekwait said...

What do you mean by 17 more days until your line in the sand?

I am hoping and praying for you Michele.

Ruth said...

Michele,
I'm so glad to hear that your little babes are doing well, and growing less little each day! I continue to pray for you.
Ruth

Anonymous said...

Michele-

You, Peter and the babies have been in my thoughts and prayers especially now. I know how hard it is to be on bedrest and I know how scared you are. I was wondering if you could give me your address at the hospital or at home, I have something that I would like to send to you.

Megan (angeljuliasmom)

Lisa DG said...

I am praying for you. I can only imagine how scared and freaked out you are. The doctor seems confident- I hope that helps a bit.

Since I have experienced PROM, I know that fear of fluid slipping out and I know I'd be testing pH every 5 minutes too- so you are not crazy. This pregnancy means so much to you so of course you would feel the way you do. Just keep looking up and love your babies...I hope the next 3 weeks are fast and easy for you.