Sorrows, Joys, and the things in between

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sorrows...
Today I learned that a blog friend who has already faced the loss of her beautiful daughter to stillbirth in her second trimester has recently given birth very prematurely to her son in the second trimester, due to an incompetent cervix. Her son was slightly younger than Nicholas gestationally, and this loss touches me and breaks my heart in a special way. Please send their family hugs and prayers as they mourn.

Joys...
Another blog friend has announced her pregnancy at 12w. This couple endured the loss of their son in the third trimester and are still in mourning. Please celebrate their sunflower with them.

And the things in between...
It's been a rough morning. My first jaunt into blogger this morning gave me the heartbreaking news from "Sorrows" and I spent the morning crying. It hurts so much to know the pain of losing a child to IC and knowing that there are no words that can truly bring comfort... Because nothing can bring comfort to any grieving parent. The world has crashed. Life stops. And, while you cant measure one parent's pain against another's, the pain that comes from having subsequent losses builds and builds. It's like a mountain of hurt that never goes away, and in the early days buries you beneath its weight.

Today is the day my precious Sophia was born... In less than 7 hours, Peter and I will be remembering the special little girl that was heralded by hardcore contractions and back labor and spent those beautiful five minutes in our outside world... lovingly held by her daddy... moving her little body as she aclimated to a world that couldnt keep her... couldnt sustain her... couldnt even try...

The bittersweet day that I have dreamed for in this pregnancy is here. As much as passing by each of the kids' gestational birthdates has been painful, it is what we need to have happen for Bobby and Maya... It gives me peace to know that these babies are alive and well as we move into week 19 and into a pregnancy that I've never had. Today is the last day of knowing... Of being able to say that "this is normal because it happened in X's pregnancy"... Of feeling like an old hat at this pregnancy game... Of being here before. I am not sure that anyone who hasnt experiences preterm labor and gone on to have a pregnancy last beyond it can fully comprehend the feelings it unleashes... the happiness and the sadness...
We are at the halfway part of our pregnancy, as a twin pregnancy is considered full term at 36w. Wow... It's crazy to think that this day has arrived. We are at the hump. The middle of the curve. Is it really all downhill from here?

Peter gave me my third P17 shot of this pregnancy. Fun times. He's a great nurse, honestly. He does his best to make sure the pain is minimized, and does an excellent job of doing so. As I write, I am laying in bed on my left side, with a heating pad against my bum.

I'll end on a high note. We've picked out our favors for the baby showers. We've decided on bookmarks, which pays homage to this librarian mama and is practical, which was important to both of us. After scouring the web, we found a site. I'm attaching a sample of the color and design example, as well as what the bookmark looks like. The wording will read "Celebrating New Life" instead of "Michele's Shower" and a date, since they will be for several showers. The sample colors of blue and pink and the peas in a pod fit b/g twins. Instead of the traditional verbiage, though, I dont like the focus of "Michele's Shower". And, perhaps this is the orphaned parent in me talking, but part of me wonders what will happen to them in the event something bad happens... I'd rather be able to give these out as momentos of our babies if something did happen rather than tossing them in the bin because I couldnt handle seeing "Michele's Shower" over and over again. They come from Favor Favor Baby and are relatively inexpensive. Peter thinks we should have something that denotes the shower, so we've agreed to get ribbons that have "Michele and Peter's Baby Shower" with the year or possibly the date on them, and to wrap those around the box. We'll see... I'm not sure yet...

Well, my bum is hurting and it's lunchtime...

6 comments:

Just Breathe said...

Sorry about the bum. I love the shower favor, very cute and very practical. I don't like hearing the negative side of using them but I know that your mind can't help but go there. I am so amazed when I read all the posts from women who have lost babies and I am in awe of the fact that you can even get out of bed each day following such loss. If you could email me at dpucci9972@gmail.com I would love to send a handkerchief, to your blog friend who lost her son,from my other blog spot.

Lachlan's Mum said...

Thinking of Sophie with you today...

I really like the bookmark idea. Everyone will be thinking of Robert and Maya whenever they use them!

Reba said...

oh michele! i didn't know you "knew" shalini...and your post showed up first in my blogroll (i read them backwards)...i was so shocked to see her blog come up from the link, and to see little my gone!! oh, my heart is broken. i saw your comment to her and i think you are so special and so strong for offering to talk with her if she needs you. thinking of sophie today, and so glad bobby and maya are still here. keep resting!

Catherine W said...

The bookmarks are so sweet. What a lovely idea and a little tribute to your profession as well.

Wow it is amazing to think that you are halfway. If I ever fall pregnant again, I'm sure I will be coming back to these recent posts to read them again. I really can't imagine how I'll feel once I get past those days.

Remembering Sophia with you. Sweet girl. So loved.
xx

bubbledragon said...

I'm a Unitarian Universalist, and we have a tradition of something called "Joys and Concerns" at the beginning of services, where members are welcome to bring up their thoughts so that the community can support them. We light candles at this time, so I'll be sure to light some candles for you & Sophia, and these two other families who need it right now.

I like the bookmarks! A dear friend offered to plan mine, I hope we can come up with something nice, too.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Michele, you amaze me. I really don't think I could read all of these blogs while pregnant. You have incredible strength and you give so much to so many. Thank you.

The bookmarks are very nice. I think they are perfect.

Peace, my friend.