Day 41: T-11

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

So... It looks like going home at 28w is a no-go. I wont lie and say that I am okay. I am bummed. It was my big goal. Perhaps we can go home at 32w, but that, too, is up in the air.

Dr B discussed our situation with the cardiologist and our MFMs... The cardiologist wants us to continue the twice daily monitoring and to have ultrasounds twice a week. When I spoke to Dr B today, I asked if we could do the monitoring with a home monitor and email the results to him and then go a quarter of a mile to an outpatient center of our local hospital to have imaging done. No go... The u/s's have to be administered by a MFM because most people can miss the first signs of hydrops and the images arent always clear when sent over. So, that kaiboshed that. On top of this, the MFMs want me to have twice weekly NSTs beginning, you guessed it, at 28w. So... no home. On a very positive note, Dr B said that he would be okay with giving me a day pass at 30w so that I can attend my baby shower with Peter's mom. (The un-shower has been canceled and our friends invited to my MIL's shower. So, I will take that as my victory. Dr B said that, it is possible, if the arrythymia goes away, then I might be cleared to go home but that he doubted it, and that it is possible I could go home at 32w... That we will take one day at a time. And really, that is all that we can do. I mean, let's be honest. Even if this is overkill, there is no way we would risk our babies. Every day inside is a better day. If going home screws with that... If it runs the risk of Bobby or Maya getting hurt... No. Not worth it. At worst, I am looking at less than 70 days in the hospital. Less than 10 more weeks. My babies are the most important thing... way more than my mental happiness right now. I'll just read a few more (maybe a few dozen more) books, drink my water, write... and talk to the babies. I'm okay with that.

Thank you for the continued prayers and generosity. You are all so wonderful. A special thanks to Donna. I cannot tell you the emotions that flooded me last night. My husband unloaded the mail and there was a package. I opened it to find these.
A dusty rose and slate blue infant cap. Knitted with love by another mom who is currently pregnant after a loss. Another mom who gets the day by day and the constant hoping and praying. And, in her time, she made these and sent them with a beautiful card. I just fingered the beautiful rows. These will be their first caps. I will place them on those beautiful heads with love and know that others love them too... And that will burst my heart even more.

As we all struggle through our days, I think that sometimes people are put in our paths to show us the way. As I mourn my own three children and worry about the two that are busy in my womb right now, I mourn with another family who have lost their third child. Their daughter was stillborn, followed by a full term son who passed away suddenly, and now... another full term son who passed away days after birth. This family needs your hugs and prayers. Please visit them and leave them the love you so graciously show our family.

26 comments:

Bluebird said...

I'm so sorry honey, I was really cheering for your homecoming :( I can't imagine how weary you must be, but your spirit is beautiful and strong, and I so admire it. And "yay" for the small victory of the day pass :)

sprogblogger said...

So sorry you won't be going home, because I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. Thinking of you and of your babies.

Catherine W said...

I'm so sorry that you might not be able to go home at 28w.

Donna's hats are just beautiful.

Remembering Freyja, Kees and Jet with you. xo

Lachlan's Mum said...

I'm sorry that things aren't easier and you can't just go home to your comfy bed. ((Hugs)) But I'm glad that the doctors are doing everything they can for Maya and Bobby, and aren't taking any risks. I'm thinking of you every day and always look forward to reading your updates that Maya and Bobby are kicking lots and growing bigger and bigger. I'm sure they can feel your love when you talk to them.

Just Breathe said...

Okay it's not great news but it is still good news. Sorry about going home but I do love the fact that you are being monitored each and everyday. I feel that Maya and Bobby are safe when your in the hospital. I will pray that things will continue to move forward in the direction of home.
What can I do or what can I send you to keep you busy? Love the little hats. Can't wait to see the picture of them with their hats on. My heart is so heavy today and I can't stop crying.
God Bless you.

Alicia said...

I am so sorry that you have to be in the hospital more. I am praying for you and for yet another family who has suffered their 3rd loss.

S said...

The little hats are just gorgeous!! The gesture is simply beautiful too.

I'm heading over to the link you've just posted. I'm just gobsmacked that this family has suffered so much. But not really surprised.

I'm glad things are going so well that you're bummed about going home (hehe). You know how I feel, ass numbing bedrest in hospital = the best place to be when shit hits the fan. Although I should say, no more shit hitting the fan please!!

I can only imagine time at a slow painful standstill, but every day is precious as you know, so I'm sort of glad (in a way) that you're stuck there, being monitored and doing NSTs.

Lots of love and hugs to you, Peter, and Bobby and Maya.

xx

Carrie said...

Oh, Michelle. BUMMER is right. There is no other way to describe it.

You continue to be so very positive and hold your feelings back. Your selflessness as a mother is something amazing to behold. It is not fair, and I hope that Bobby's heart is healed and you'll be out of there soon anyway.

Of course the good news is that your doctors are so amazing, keeping watch over your family, taking such excellent care of you. I mean EXCELLENT!

Those are some gorgeous hats! What a kind spirit... I cannot wait to see the babies' perfect heads in those hats, wiggling all around!

We can do this, and as you reminded me, we are doing this! October or BUST! We are in a whole new month, one we will get through with lots of grace and health, I hope! :)

AKD said...

I am so very, very sorry. It has to be incredibly disappointing. You're so right - every day with them inside is a happy day, and you're proving that you would do absolutely anything to keep them safe.

Those hats are just beautiful. I hope that holding those and feeling that tangible proof of your babies has to bring some peace.

God bless.

gwinne said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you're hospital bound for longer. How frustrating. Thinking of you, Peter, and the babies.

Kacy said...

I am sorry Michele, I know it must be tough, but I am so glad the babies seem to be doing good. And make every minute of that day pass count!! Thinking of you.

A n T said...

Sorry to hear that you didn't get the news you wanted about the hospital. But I know you are willing to do whatever to take home two healthy babies. Keep up the good work momma. We'll be right here to keep cheering you on.

Kate said...

Sorry to hear you'll be in the hospital for well beyond what you had hoped :( I'm thinking of you and hope you. I'm glad you can get a day pass for your baby shower. *hugs* Hang in there and I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Tanika said...

I am thinking of you and saying prayers for you all. You can do this!;0) Big hugs to you~

Michelle said...

So sorry about the bad news. I imagine that must be so hard to be there in the hospital but I know you know that it is so going to be worth it in the end! Stay strong...my prayers are with you. I know you can do it!

Jessica said...

I can imagine how frustrating it must be to look forward to going home, but on a positive side its good to see the babies are doing well.

Those are beautiful caps!! :)

Sending prayers and hugs!!

Krystal said...

Im sending you lots of (((HUGS))) and lots of love!

k@lakly said...

I know you are bummed but I have to say I am relieved to know that they are watching you and those beautiful babies so closely. Things can go worong so quicklly and where you are they can get to those babies in an instant which can make all the difference...
Yay for getting ot go to your shower, that will be a nice 'break' from what has to feel a bit like prison...I'm so sorry that you're stuck there but SO happy that you all continue to stay healthy and keep on growing!!
xxoo

Nickie said...

Hey, it's Nickie, your cousin...lol. I just wanted to let you know that I pray for y'all every night. I miss you something fierce. I wish the best for you and Peter. I love ya!
Nickie

Annalien said...

O, Michele, what a real bummer about not going home! I am so sorry - I was really rooting for you on that front. You are right that the babies' health is most important right now, but don't neglect your mental health, girl. It could lead to a nasty crash, especially after the babies are born! Hugs to you.

mekate said...

Sweetie pie,
gosh darn that is frustrating--I was hopeful you could go safely home.
Please know that WE will never mistake your discomfort for anything other than just exactly that. You can be as uncomfortable as hell (I am so sorry!) and still be more grateful than words can express.

I am so glad Bobby's visit with the cardiologist was as positive as it was, I hate that there is something there to talk about, but love his outlook on prognosis-- I want so much for you to be able to be as fully yourself as possible during this time-- you are wonderfully dynamic in your writing, I have to remind myself that you are staying very still and are very uncomfortable.

Thinking of you as summer turns into Fall, and thinking of your beautiful babies, those inside and those who have come before.

And wishing you all the very best.

Can you work with a massage therapist or physical therapist to alleviate your discomfort?

XOX
Kate

Ms. J said...

I can only imagine the mixed feelings . . . going crazy with wanting be sprung on parole, yet knowing that you'll do anything to help your kiddos.

Is there anything we (ya know, those of us free to move about, LOL), can do to help distract you in the meantime?

Lorza said...

awww- that just sucks. I am sorry michele! That is pretty exciting about the day pass in two weeks. Not to be a downer- but BE CAREFUL!! Another blogger I follow had her baby shower this weekend and one of her friends came to the shower with THE FLU!!! NO KIDDING! Positive flu test and all. I would hate for something to happen. I would make sure people know to stay home if they even feel a little ooogy.

I am praying for you everyday.

{{HUGS}}

Tammy On the Go said...

Hey girl, I have a lot of catching up with you to do. so good to hear from you and I am so hopeful in Christ for you...

addingtothepack said...

I am so sorry you won't be able to go home when you had hoped. I hope that you are able to keep your spirits up and maintain your mental health. I am rooting for you!

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Michele,
I'm sorry you won't be going home. I hope that your hospital stay will be full of visits and pep fests for you and the babies. I'm thinking of you and praying for you all, my dear.

Peace.