First Week @ Home

Saturday, November 21, 2009

It really has been one week since our Bobby-boy came home. Wow. As I sit here typing, with his long body draped across my shoulder, I am in sheer awe and amazement. My son is home. I dont have to go to a NICU to visit him. I dont have to ask a nurse if I can pick him up. I can kiss his forehead and smell his scent, and there are no monitors beeping or wires to untangle. Today marks 3 days that our sweet Maya has been home. I look and see her laying, big open mouth smile, on Peter's chest, her hands intertwined in his chest hair, the light bouncing off her strawberry blonde hair, and, no joke, snoring, and I feel a lump in my chest. She is home. There arent CPAPs or steroid injections or withheld feeds. Just my Maya. My sweet little girl, who just opened her eyes and looked at me. And smiled.

Wow.

The visit with my mom and grandma went well. They adored the babies and the babies adored them. It was too short a time. They came Monday night and left Friday morning. I wish they could have stayed longer.

Life in the Haytko house is quite interesting. The babies take between 2oz and 4oz per feed, depending on who it is, and eat every 3-5 hours, depending on how much they eat. Last night, they slept for 5 hours. Maya tends to want to sleep over eat, Bobby wants to eat over sleep. Getting them to sleep in our arms is easy; putting them down... not so much. Not that we mind. Except when we would like to sleep too... Since we dont advocate sleeping with the babies in bed with us, this can be quite challenging. The cosleeper is a godsend; once we get them to sleep and lay them down, it is nice having them so close.

Nursing... Well... It's a dream that I've had to put aside. Bobby prefers the faster flow of the bottle and wont even attempt to direct breastfeed. Maya still will latch on and suck, but she prefers her bottle. She gets frustrated when she realizes that my breast wont flow faster no matter how hard she sucks. I'm trying to fall in love with the bottle as they have, but alas... To say that this isnt how we saw things play out is to tell you something you already know. I'm still pumping like crazy and trying to get my supply back. At this point, I am back to producing about a third to half of what they need. It's getting better but I'm only up to 3-4 ounces a pump. So, we've been making bottles with 1/2 breastmilk and 1/2 ready-to-use formula. I hate fooling with the powder, so ready-to-drink has won. I'm really hoping that pumping gets me back to full feeds so then we can get rid of formula all together. But, I just cant stress about it. If it happens it does. At this point, if it doesnt, it's just another dream that gets traded for reality. The only dream I can hold onto is the safety of Bobby and Maya. If I can have that, then the rest is just icing on the cake.

***

Wednesday night, our church held the annual Mass of Remembrance for those who have died in the last year. Alexander was remembered. If Maya was at the hospital, we'd decided that we wouldnt go because we'd be at the hospital, but if she were home, then we wanted to attempt to go if the weather was okay. So, on Wednesday night, the children made their first venture to church. About 3 dozen folks were being remembered, so it was a small crowd, and everyone respected our wishes that they not get close to the babies or not touch them. We wore them in our mae tai carriers, which worked out great. They slept through the service and Bobby didnt wake up until we were a few minutes from home and he was hungry. Afterwards, we celebrated Alex's birthday early with his grandparents and great grandmother. It was nice.

***

Tomorrow, we are going to attempt going to the 7:30am Mass. It is, by far, the fewest parishioners, and, if things dont work out with the babies, then we can slip out quickly. We plan on wearing them, since that played out so nicely on Wednesday. I keep handy hospital-grade hand sanitizer wipes. Just in case. Not that we are keen on touching, but just in case.

***

Monday is Alexander's 1 year birthday. We plan on taking a drive with the babies. And then, of course, Alex's special meals for the day. I miss him so much. I look to Bobby and Maya and see their brothers and sister in their faces, and it hurts. So deeply.

***
Well, my (free) time is over. Dinner for grow-ups needs to go in the oven.

22 comments:

missing_one said...

that picture is just too precious Michele..makes my heart go to mush!

Meg said...

I am so happy for you all. I've been following your blog for almost a year. I have prayed daily for the health of your beautiful Maya and Bobby. I can't explain how happy I was on both last Saturday when Bobby came home and then cried Wednesday as I read about Maya's home coming. May you have many more blessed days with your family.

Peace of Christ,
~meg

k@lakly said...

Well, my how ordinary and NORMAL all this sounds! Can you believe it?Off to church, dealing with sleeping and eating and bottles and all the other blissfully mundane things that come with parenting.
My gosh Michelle, YOU MADE IT!!!!
I'm so happy for you!
xxoo

Jessica said...

Michele, i am so excited for you guys. This is so wonderful to have both babies home.

I would think it would impossible not to think of Alexander, Sophia and Nicholas as you are getting Bobby and Maya settled. They are watching over their younger brother and sister.

Donna said...

I am so happy that both Booby and Maya are doing so well. My heart fills with joy every time I read your blog and hear about them.

Paula said...

The carriers are a godsend, aren't they? We used a hip hammock in China to stop people from trying to take Jess from my arms and causing her to scream - very little personal space when we were there. She'd snuggle in and no one would try to take her although they still touched. I'm so happy things are going well with the babies home. I love seeing the pictures.

Sophie said...

Oh Michelle, I have had the same dramas with breastfeeding and expressing and formula as well... and I only have one to cope with. That you have done so well already is a wonderful gift to your babes.

Last week I stopped expressing and my little man is now on formula. It just wasn't working and I wasn't coping with it. I never wanted to formula feed but it's happened now and I am dealing with it. Breastfeeding and expressing is hard work and I applaud women who manage it, but sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Wishing you strength to continue Michelle, but at the same time, don't beat yourself up if you decide to drop it. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids.

xxooxxoo

Kandi Ann said...

I am so thankful you posted. This new chapter is so beautiful. So young and already faithful Church goer's who could ask for anything more. xoxo, Kandi

Jill said...

Love the picture! It is so sweet. I will be thinking of you and Alexander on Monday.

xx

Michelle said...

Hi Michele, how gorgeous they are, they're like the "cut and paste" version of each other and yet so unique in their own way too. I totally agree with you, Maya looks like a "chunky monkey" to me too, in a cute adorable way.

Tammy On the Go said...

I have been sick and catching up with you sister. I am so full of joy, I am so glad they are home? everyone well? strong? daddy and mommy getting any sleep?
love to you.

Tammy On the Go said...

I wrote you a poem...
www.myhandsareyours.blogspot.com

sarah said...

It just occured to me that you will be having a wonderful anniversary this time next year, the days that Maya and Bobby came home from the hospital. Wow.

AKD said...

This is so beautiful - I am so happy that your babies are at home where you can hold them, love them, take care of them. What wonderful progress and beginnings.

nikki wood said...

Look how they are laying the exact same way, their arms positioned exactly the same!!! Too precious!

Just Breathe said...

It sounds like things are perfect having both of your precious babies home. Answered prayers.
I know that in a perfect world all your babies would be home with you and you would have a house full!
Sorry about the nursing. Mine liked the bottle too because it was easy. The most wonderful part is that your breast milk got them home, safe/sound and healthy. Sending special prayers for Alexander.

Michelle said...

It is so beautiful that both your precious babies are finally home with you. Congratulations!

Bluebird said...

LOL at your little snorer :) So wonderful and surreal, picturing you two out and about with your little ones! Will be remembering Alexander with you on his birthday. ((Hugs))

Leah said...

I'm so happy that Bobby and Maya are doing so well. It must be the best feeling in the world to have them home. :-D

Missing Kasey said...

I am so happy for you! They are adorable laying next to one another!!

Anonymous said...

its so wonderful that they are both home now.
as far as feeding. I was told to not mix breastmilk and formula in the same bottle. To give a bottle of breastmilk first and then formula, if the baby was still hungry. hmm

Sophie said...

yes, i separated them at first too, thinking my Jasper would prefer the taste of breastmilk... nope. He didn't care. Food was food. We mixed the bottles after we worked that out. All goes to the same place. I remember the nurses in Nicu doing the same thing with Jordan.