Thanks :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Thanks for the comments and emails on my last post. I was a bit frazzled last night. Poor Maya: this was COMPLETELY our fault and not hers. Neither baby has had reflux issues when they are fed correctly. The only problems we've had is when they are overfed. Our pediatrician told us that their bellies are the size of their weight, divided in half, by ounces. So Maya, at 8lb 4oz, has a stomach about the size of 4 and 1/8 oz. Well, the night we had the choking instance, she only weighed about 7lb and ate 5 ounces. Normally, she paces herself, but she seemed extra hungry, so ounces... And we all know what happened. So, last night, we were at church at a meeting and she woke up, hungry (which I expected since she'd only eaten 2oz a few hours before we left). We get home and I made her a 1oz bottle with vitamins, which Peter gave her and she gulped down, and then, since it is easier to make formula is evens, I made a 4oz bottle. (Now, 1 scoop of formula adds .2 oz, so that 4oz bottle was about 4.4oz.) So, all together, we are talking about 5.5oz. She took it down like it was nothing. We've been told to let them "decide" to burp and to not pull the bottle from them, to avoid air in the tummy, so Peter let her keep it until she was done- which was the end of the bottle! And she still wanted more! Peter told her, nope, she was cut off and began to burp her. First, there was a little spit and then just everything. She had this look on her face like "Oh well... No big deal... Can I have another bottle please?" No tears, nothing. She was soaked, Peter was soaked, the chair was covered (which, funny thing: did you know that plain water can remove wet formula from upholstery??? good to know...)

So, I feel bad. And what is worse, last night, I made Peter feel bad. So, he takes Maya upstairs and changes her (and himself) while I watched Bobby sleep and made Maya a new bottle. When he comes down, I offer to hold her and feed her so that he can eat. (Did I mention that I had JUST brought dinner from the kitchen?) So, I'm feeding and burping, and he finishes and offers to finish her up, to which I tell him that I'm not comfortable with him feeding her because both of the bad feeding experiences happened on his watch. Okay. I know. I really do. That was just downright bitchy and mean. And I saw the hurt cross his face and I felt like a monster. I tried to back up and make it funny, but the damage was done. And I still feel bad. I handed her over and let Peter finish and she was fine. She ate, Bobby ate, I ate, and we went to bed. They slept all night and Peter fed them both this morning and, you guessed it, fine. So, I have no one to blame except us. Me for making the 5.5 ounces for her instead of making one 4oz bottle, taking out some of it for her vitamin, adding rice to the rest, and handing that over to Peter; and Peter for feeding her 5.5 ounces when she has a cut off of just over 4oz. Preemie stomachs arent meant to handle so much food (heck, I'd even say term babies arent meant to handle that much either) and it can cause vomiting or, even worse, induce reflux! Which we dont want.

Holding my little peanut now while Bobby talks to us. I have a feeling he's about to say "Mommy, why is she being held and I'm not???" Which, to the average ears, might sound like "WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"... But for now, it's all giggles and smiles.

***
On an unrelated note, please say a prayer for this mom who just lost her son; his twin sister is still kicking and, hopefully, wont be delivered for another 12 weeks or so... Also say a prayer for Jessica's friend who just delivered her baby still at 42 weeks.

18 comments:

paulsgirl1297 said...

Oh Michelle no one is perfect and we all do or say things that we later wish we hadn't, I think that we have to learn form it and move on, with the stress of newborns life will feel out of control at times and things like this will happen, It sounds like you and peter have a strong relationship and will work thru this ...

Just Breathe said...

I'm glad she is okay.

Fran said...

Sweetie, these things will happen, try not to be to harsh on yourself or Peter, you both are doing a great job. Fran

AKD said...

I'm so, so glad that she's okay, but you had every right to worry! You would give anything to make sure she's okay, and absolutely everyone understands (and admires!) that!

Reba said...

glad she is okay! i know the spitting up is scary when it happens, especially given what happened before. with all of naomi's reflux issues, we have become experts at dealing with the spit ups. i'm glad the water worked to get rid of it on your chair but if it ever doesn't, i use Out! Stain and Odor Remover. it's actually for pets but it has worked great for naomi's various messes too.

oh and you remember what i said about the criticize jar...well, so you know i am the queen of the snarky comments. (i have gotten better about it, really. ;) don't beat yourself up over one comment. you and peter are dealing with a lot right now!

Missing Kasey said...

Learning experience, esp with twins. You and Peter are wonderful parents. I can imagine its a bit stressful and we all say things that we don't mean, but we forgive those who we love. Glad that she is still a hungry little girl!

Sunny said...

First, thank you so much for the encouraging comment on my blog. It does make me feel better, and I forwarded it to hubby at work. This is so hard, and I just pray we can get through it with two healthy babies.

Regarding the reflux, it's great that you can isolate the cause! Parenting is SUCH a trial and error, because every time you get comfortable, the kiddo completely changes the game. Extend grace to yourself for any mistakes you make, because you are clearly learning from them, and that really is everything.

JenJen said...

I wish it were only a matter of technique with Cooper...poor thing has reflux no matter how much he eats! I ordered a Napnanny to see if that'll help...

I can imagine how easy it was to make that comment to your hubby...stress will do crazy stuff to you. You both have been through so much and I'm sure he knows that you didn't mean it...

Sophie said...

YOur comment to Peter, although upsetting, came from a place of fear and pain. I'm sure he understands that. The best thing you can do is acknowledge that and you did, and then move on. Chalk it up to the stress of parenting. You have more than your fair share of it.
xx

Michelle said...

Hi Michele, glad Maya is ok..poor Peter! I do the same with my husband (why are we women so terrible and our men so good!??) I'm sure he knows you don't mean it.

Eve said...

Thank you so very much for mentioning or dear son, Will's, loss on your post. The words of condolence being left comfort us so much more than you know.

God Bless,

Eve

sara (Angel Anthonys mom..with Alyson on the way) said...

how come your giving the babies vitamins? is it cuz they were preemies? I was giving Aly vitamin D when she was on breastmilk, but formula has everything they need..

and dont fret too much .. spit up happens. Its defined as vomit if it is forceful and the baby becomes lethargic afterwards...

Im curious... is that "sizing their stomach by their weight" thing just for Robert and Maya .. or is it a general rule of thumb for all babies? Thats a cool piece of info to know... although, weird, cuz, Aly will eat 7oz sometimes and be fine...

Michele said...

You are so welcome, Eve.

Sara, our doctors told us that regardless of whether they used formula or breastmilk, they needed vitamins (they told us to use Polyvisol with iron). They need to be on them until they able to move onto chewables. The stomach sizing goes for all babies. Our pediatrician told us that overfeeding them (ie feeding more than the ounces of 1/2 their weight) will lead to obesity, not to mention vomiting (and reflux if continued).

Seraphim said...

I am so glad she is okay, and hugs to you and Pete. I can imagine how traumatic it was xxxx

Jessica said...

*hugs* I am so glad that all is well.

Leah said...

Things sound busy in your household! And try not to feel bad. . . stress and lack of sleep make us sometimes say things that we wouldn't have otherwise said.

sara (Angel Anthonys mom..with Alyson on the way) said...

well, then I guess Aly is eating right on target .. she is 14lbs and eats a 6oz bottle (6oz water, then the 3 scoops of formula). Im not concerned about the vitamins though cuz the formula has everything in it that they need (according to the research that Ive done and what my pedi says) ..
we are giving Aly cereal in her night time bottle and we will start trying different stage one food on sat (her 4 month bday)

Robert and Maya are looking so good btw... Im so happy for you and Peter that they are doing so well!

sara (Angel Anthonys mom..with Alyson on the way) said...

and..I am so so so sorry to hear of Jessicas friends loss... I know losing a baby at any age or gestation is hard .. but to be that close... Im so sorry
May the Lord be with them