550

Monday, June 21, 2010

Wow... My next post will be my 550th.  How in the world have I managed that??  And folks read it, too?  A writer's dream, I tell you! :)

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I promise, this blog isnt going to turn into an athletic one, but, since it's about 'my life' and my life is now full of running and biking and swimming, it's what I'm in the mood to talk about.  Right now anyway.  As a Gemini, I retain the right to change my mind as I see fit.

I took my last run before the race today.  Sarah told me no running 48 hours before the race, so I pretty much stayed within that guideline since my race is Wednesday night.  And she said only "light" activity today and tomorrow.  So... I only ran a mile then walked a mile (trust me, these thighs never thought the words "only ran a mile" would ever be uttered.  ONLY?  Really???).  Tonight, I'll bike 2.2 miles to the gym for yoga and then bike home.  Tomorrow morning, another 2.2 to the gym for swimming 500 meters and 2.2 home.  And then.  Nothing.  Until Wednesday night.  When (GULP) I'm going to run my first 5K.

My only goal is to finish and to run the entire thing.  I'm guestimating about a 15 minute mile, since I dont really push my knees when jogging.  I'm gentle the entire way.  It's not a speed contest for me; it's just about getting out there and doing it.  And I'm cool with that.

What I'm not cool with: leaving Bobby and Maya at home.  Without me.  Without Peter.

Over the last few months, I've tried to ease into leaving them (or one of them) with my MIL while I go to the store or something, if one of them (or both) are asleep.  I havent left with them awake.  Usually, I'm back in time for naptime to be over.  And, while I'm not thrilled with leaving them in someone else's care (although I love her and she's great), they are asleep and I can calm myself with the knowledge that they cant get into trouble and are fairly easy to handle when sleeping.

But I'm leaving around 4pm.  They, most likely, will want a bottle and not be sleeping anymore.  And Peter wont be home until 6pm.  That's two hours.  TWO HOURS.  (I know... For those of you who work outside the home, two hours would be a blessing, so forgive my lamenting.  This is new to me...)

It's not as hard to leave them with Peter, although it is still hard.  And it's harder still to think of leaving them with a nonparent (even though I know they are well loved my their grandmother).  I worry about them missing me and crying.  Or about her not being able to handle both at once.  Or about them being hungry and wet at the same time.  Hey.  It's me.  I just worry.

I know that I shouldnt.  That I cant (nor should I) be the only person they see taking care of them.  God forbid there is an emergency, but also, they need some independence from Mommy.  But it's still hard on my heart.  I'm trying to psych myself up for it.  In addition to the lovely period hormones, the "I'm abandoning my children" hormones are taking full advantage of me!

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Today is the Summer Solstice... The longest day of the year.  From now until Winter, the days will grow shorter, moments at a time.  Take a moment for yourself today.  To recharge. To renew.  Happy Solstice.

2 comments:

Girl in the dark said...

Good luck on Wednesday! You'll rock that 5K no problem with all of your training! :)

And good luck leaving your babies, I remember that overwhelming feeling that I was abandoning my son when I first dropped him off at daycare! Stay strong.

Catherine W said...

Good luck for Wednesday. I'm sure you are going to do brilliantly.

You really have my sympathy over your difficulties leaving Bobby and Maya. It's so hard. I still don't really like leaving J (even with my husband!) x