More Babies...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Speaking of babies and having more, I feel like I should come to terms with the fact that I may never carry another child in my womb.  After the last few years and the knowledge of what would happen if I did get pregnant, I just cant, in good faith, try to conceive again.  I would never dream of hindering conception in any way and, if I were to get pregnant on my own, would be grateful for the miracle, but I think my days on the trying to conceive train are over.

And I dont know how I feel about this.

Peter and I have always talked about our houseful of children.  About having our own soccer team or driving around a bus to accommodate our large family.  It's also important for us to provide for them, as well, both financially as well as mentally.  I know what the TTC rollercoaster put us through as a couple.  The driving to Dr Lee, the ultrasounds, the drugs, the miscarriages, the pregnancies that were "almost" there, the constant appointments with Dr Bailey, finally the stitch and bedrest and preterm delivery and 2 month NICU stay.  At what age would it be appropriate to put Bobby and Maya through the risks? 5? 10?  ever?  

Financially, we are doing alright on Peter's salary... Would that be the case with another round of TTC?  With more multiples?  

And, what if it didnt work?  What if we used the same meds and did the deed and nothing?  There's never a guarantee and since IVF isnt ever going to be in our cards, emotionally, what would we be giving to TTC again?  

I have two miracles in my midst...  and six more in my heart...  Why test the babymaking fates with trying again?

We plan to adopt but, for now, those plans are on hold.  We know God will open that door for us when it is time.  

(There's a lot going on at Casa Haytko that I cant blog about right now, but I will...)

11 comments:

MrsSpock said...

Our plans are similar, because my body, in its own way, makes things too risky for me and any other child we would have. Hopefully, this little one will make it to the end alive and healthy, and then I think any attempt to have another child will be permanently shelved. We think if we feel the hankering to parent another child, it will be through fostering.

lifefamilysanity said...

This one really touched me Michele. Baby G isn't here, yet (but all signs are pointing to he will be) and family is already asking for #2. Which is just so wrong, because a) they should be asking for #8 and b) how can knowingly intentionally go through this again and bring another child along for the ride? But, we have come to the same decision it sounds like you and Peter have reached, don't prevent and adopt when the time is right.

{hugs}

Trennia said...

Praying for wherever your heart leads you.

Reba said...

i am going through some similar thoughts now as well. it is hard b/c jeff and i are not on the same page really. in his heart he wants one more. i don't know what i want. i think i want one more, just later on. but i am not sure. this is really hard. email me if you need to talk to someone. xo

Just Breathe said...

I know that it is never easy to give up on a dream. ((HUGS)) Your faith in God is the best plan.

Donna said...

I'm sure you will find the right path for you and your family. But it's hard getting there. (hugs)

Sara said...

we are in this boat right now .. granted Ive never miscarried .. but with one 31 week stillbirth and living baby who stopped growing at 34 weeks and barely hung on till 38 weeks .... all because of my bicornuate uterus and the fact that their placentas failed due to IUGR .... hmm ... we want to have another but we are by no means RUSHING.
I am however, going OFF birth control at the end of this month. a)I dont like what its doing to my body and hormones b)I dont like the idea of preventing a pregnancy and c)we are ready for another baby when God is :)

We have decided that if we are not pregnant by 2012, we will look into fostering or adopting .. which will be perfect timing cuz we will be back stateside.....

one-hit_wonder said...

this touched me - we had a similar situation in our family.

Jessica said...

Michele, I will pray that you get the answers you seek when the time is right. *hugs*

Terri said...

Sending hugs your way. I too have had to come to terms w/ not being able to carry any more babies. It's really hit recently w/ CJ now out of diapers. For 6 years I've had one in diapers. Now we're really done w/ infants...unless we adopt but that's not where we are right now. My prayers for your peace. Love ya

Amy MEV said...

I do not know what the Lord has in store, but I know He will bless your faithfulness to Him and the teachings of Holy Mother Church. I wish my husband was more interested in adoption. After losing our daughter (stillborn), and with two miscarriages prior to that, I wonder if I will will ever bear another child who will take their first breath. And now I am off to cry...