Last Day

Monday, February 28, 2011

In the past, I've always been so happy to see February end.  My girlfriend, Ann, and I used to bitch and moan about how much we dreaded this second month of the calendar year and how we longed for the end of those short, 28 days that seemed to drag on and on.  P's miscarriage was always the blight on the month until 2008.  Then, it was his loss, plus the deaths of Nicholas and Sophia.  I couldn't "hate" the month; it was their birth month too, but how it brought the sadness and reminder of their deaths.  And the fact that we were usually buried by snow didnt help much either (I like the snow, but I'm ready for it to be over by February... not a good thought since I live in PA!).

This February started off rougher than I anticipated, but, as it has ended, I feel a renewed peace, so I'm glad it came about.  I know that I will always link February will sorrow, but I think that, finally, the sense of joy at having each of my little February blessings finally outweighs the anguish of losing them.

4 comments:

Joanna said...

I know what you mean - March is like that for me. It's our EDD, then three days later Freddie's Birthday, and mixed in there is the start of Lent, Ash Wednesday, so it will be a somber month.

Sending you hugs!!

Ms. J said...

I'm ready for it to be over, too, even if Feb. 26th marked the conclusion of the only pregnancy we had that produced a child still with us.

Hard to believe that exactly one year ago I brought my Peanut home.

Wishing I could be there in person to hug you.

Hillary said...

Hear Hear! I agree with you about the month of February. We just passed Caroline's due date yesterday and I'd hate this month forever except that it contains my birthday and my wedding anniversary! Whats a girl to do?

ccc said...

New to your blog. I love your pictures of your babies. My little one died recently at 17w 6d. I do not have a picture of him-just his feet and footprints. I also read that you want to homeschool-I knew I wanted to homeschool when my oldest was 2 yrs. old.
I am very intrigued by the doula training you are doing. How do I sign up to follow your blog?