Keeping It Real

Sunday, May 15, 2011

My mind is all over the place and I'm tired... Two things that don't make for great blogs.  But, at the same time, I'm feeling a bit bad that I haven't updated in a while, so I'll do my best tonight before heading to bed.

It's a meloncholy time here, as well as a time of excitement.  Anyone who is familiar with adoption knows that the birthmother can change her mind at any stage, including up to 72 hours post-birth.  We knew this going in, however, recently, it has really hit me that we may lose a baby I'm not even pregnant with.  It's hard because both choices- adoption or keeping the baby- have good pieces.  If we adopt him, he will have a good life full of love, but he loses his first family: his biological family.  We'd have an open adoption, but it would be different than if he were raised by his biofamily.  That's a tough pill to swallow... That your love would still cause him so much grief...  If the birthmom raises him, I dont know the life he'd have (although I hope it would be good and full of love) but he'd be with his biofamily and his biobrother, and to lose us- a family he'd never know- wouldnt hurt him (even though it would hurt us).  We didnt go into this with "let's have another baby and let's adopt"; we went into it with the mindset that we are here and whatever should happen will happen, and we were shocked when we were selected so quickly.  But we have given ourself completely; if Michael doesn't come home, we will be crushed.  I know that much to be true.  And, if he does come home, I will mourn with him when he realizes that what he gained came at a great cost as well.  It's quite the place to be. 

We had our lawyer consult and our home study.  Both went well.  We liked the attornery and the social worker; both really had a passion for adoption.  They fit us so well... 

Because we are newbies and weren't sure, with the quickness of the situation, what to expect for the home study, we rearranged and set up the nursery section of our bedroom.  Michael will sleep in our room until he moves into what is currently Bobby's room (but will become the boy bedroom).  I have to admit that I love walking by and running my hand across his blanket or touching the elephant we bought for him (or tradition with babies) or looking at the onesie I bought him since he's coming right before the 4th of July.  Peter's mom bought him a few outfits; she said she just couldn't help herself. They are hanging in my closet.  Again with the happy feelings mixed with the fear.  In some ways, I thought adoption might quell the same fears I had when pregnant, but they dont... Not one bit.  A different situation, but fear nonetheless.

We've selected the couple who will be godparents for Michael... They are so lovely and were thrilled, which makes them more lovely!  I feel so blessed to have so many good and loving people in our lives.

Bobby and Maya are doing great... We no longer have them sitting in their chairs with the trays; now they eat at the table, with us, and on plates.  Their breakfast and lunch, I use plastic "kid" plates because it makes it easier for me to balance their meal, but dinner is a real (glass) plate like we eat off of, with real (but smaller) spoons and forks.  They still use their straw cups, but breakfast and dinner sometimes see us pulling out (plastic) open cups.  They love to eat, and they love to eat with Mama and Daddy.  It's really adorable.  I love mealtimes at our house.  They amaze me. 

We've been pushing their bedtimes back a bit, closer to 9pm.  They love hanging out later, I think, although it makes it very tough for me to get to the gym at night.  I think I may have to become an early riser.  I'm not looking forward to that :(

Well, I'm tired, so I'd best be logging off.  I've had computer issues the last few days, then Blogger had issues, so all together, the internet and I haven't been close friends.  I'm also starting to up the time of homeschooling.  We were at an hour, and now we are moving closer to 2 hours, which is going to limit my time when I factor in set up and everything else.  The kids nap for 2 hours solid during the day, but that is when I straighten up from breakfast, write in Michael's journal, and do housework, so that doesn't always make for good blog reading/writing time.  We shall see!

4 comments:

Dana said...

I'm so excited about Michael's adoption. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out. I already knew that you are a great mother, but it was confirmed even more when I read about Michael's possible struggle later on in life when he has to come to terms with the fact that his bio mother gave him up. You are so caring.

~Rae~ said...

I sure don't mean this to sound 'ugly' by anymeans-so please don't read it that way. My adoption story is as different as it is the same as what you guys are facing. My son will be 5 in October. Of course the adoption is 'open' as his BM is my 1st cousin, but she's not 'that' involved with his life (by her own choice). We have yet to have been asked any questions by our son nor has he shown any signs of thinking he's different because he's adopted. He was taken away from us by his BM after we had him home for over a month (he was born at 29 weeks-something we were totally not expecting so nothing legal had been done yet. plus we were in the middle of changing jobs to another state and was told that we would have to wait to pursue adoption once we were established residents of the new state). She had him 6wks when she realized that he didn't belong with her. Hell for us--pure hell being without him.
At any rate, at this point, all your fears about the potential of losing him are and should be very real for you. Unfortunately, that outcome can happen. But as far as your fear for him feeling like he's lost his first family-like that's going to be an immediate feeling or issue for him--that just hasn't been the case for us, ever--even when we got him back after being with her for 6 wks. I just think your worrying about that part is a little premature at this point. I did and do still have some of those fears--that the day my son asks me if he grew in my belly and wants to know more about his 'special mom'--what will that be like for him and me? And I really think that he is going to be fine. He is so well adjusted as our son, I really don't think he will be negatively affected by the fact that he's adopted. I really don't.
Just enjoy him as your son..YOUR SON, when/if you get to bring him home. Don't let the guilt of him 'losing' his bio-family be a factor, when-in my humble opinion-it really shouldn't be at this point. Don't lie to him, but don't make it a big deal until (when/if) it needs to be. Like I said, for us it's been almost 5 years, and it's not remotely an issue for him or us at this point.

AKD said...

I keep getting so excited to see pictures of Michael!! :)

Barb said...

Sorry I'm so behind! You're ADOPTING?! AWESOME!!!! So exciting! The nursery is lovely. And you looked beautiful on Mother's Day!