The New Normal

Sunday, February 10, 2013

**NOTE: Pregnancy Mentioned"

Today marks 16w3d pregnant.  This was, for all my previous pregnancies combined, the last day of normal.

With Nicholas and Sophia, I was on bedrest and leaving the hospital after Nicholas had died, hoping that I'd carry Sophia long enough for her to have a chance.  With Bobby and Maya, I'd already been on bedrest for 5 weeks and was just hoping to hit 24 weeks and a chance...

With Alexander, this was the beginning of the end.  16w3d was a night I had prenatal yoga... a night that I slipped and landed, thankfully, on my yoga mat instead of the sidewalk... a night that I started spotting and ended up in L&D already 2cm dilated.  It was the last day of normal pregnancy in my entire life of prengnacy.

And now?  Now I'm still running and playing and doing all the things I did (albeit slower) that I did before Michael came on board.  It seems insane.  At times, I can't even believe it.  I have a wardrobe of maternity clothes- not just PJs and yoga pants- that I'm actually wearing.  I'm out in public.  I'm doing things.  And, for the most part, I'm not afraid.

There are times, no doubt, but for the most part, I'm sipping my pregnancy tea, writing in Michael's journal, and thinking positive thoughts.

I'm not sure where this all comes from?  This zen state, this ability to believe.  After our journey, I didnt think I'd ever be at a place where the belief in a spontaneous pregnancy and a full term pregnancy could be part of my story.  And yet... At least half of it is, with the other half on the road to being seen.

So for now, it seems like this place is the new normal.  I pray I'm right.

***

(On another note, can you believe Bobby and Maya are 3 years and 5 months old?  In just one more little month, my peanuts will be a full three and a half!)

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